ďťż11/1/24 - Enjoy the holidays by making them work for you and your personality (holidays by personality)
Hook
Ready or not, here they come! Whether you love them or hate them or fall somewhere in between the holidays are coming, Iâve got tips for you and your personality to make the holiday the best they can possibly be.
Introduction
Hello my lovelies! Welcome to the Moving Toward Better Podcast. Iâm your host, Karen Bemmes, and today weâre talking about making the holidays work for you whatever your personality. Also, itâs been an interesting week in the US, and weâre going to touch on that too.
Before we dive in, I want to make it clear that what I am about to share are experiences from my own life and what I learned along the way. Your situation may be different, and this is no substitute for financial, medical or mental health intervention if your situation warrants it. This podcast series is designed to help people understand themselves and others better based on their personalities. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or physical condition. If you suspect you or a family member is at risk of physical or mental harm, please seek proper medical help immediately.
For those who are new to the podcast, when I talk about personalities, communication and relationships, I use the DISC personality model of behavior and refer to people as D or Driven, I or Inspired, S or Supportive, and C or Cautious. You can find links to take your own Personality Assessment in the Show Notes.
Presentation of Problem/Challenge
Right now in the US, there are a lot of feelings. Some people are celebrating. Some are mourning, and some are absolutely terrified about what is going to happen to them. Itâs stressful to say the least, and the holidays are coming on top of that.
Even without the added stress of the election, I honestly donât know anyone who makes it through the holidays without some stress, but after years of dealing with way more stress than I should have, I have learned a bunch of ways to deal with it that can leave you happier and healthier than you can possibly imagine, and I have tips for every personality type to do the same. So, come with me and letâs explore this together.
I honestly thought being calm and happy through the holidays was impossible at one point, but after studying personalities for decades, I know what stresses people, what releases that stress and most importantly, how to avoid some of it in the first place so letâs get into this.
Exploration/Development
As always, letâs start with the âDriven personality type
The D personality type likes to take charge, and you may be the one that makes all the decisions about the holidays. That can be exciting if you enjoy the holidays. If not, the holidays are merely something that distracts from the ârealâ goals you have or a necessary task for the happiness of your family. With the added stress of the election, if your candidate won, Iâm going to remind you that not everyone feels the same way you do, and now is not the time to make jokes at their expense and add to the stress theyâre already feeling.
I understand that you may think theyâre thin skinned and need to learn to take a joke, and you may be right, but kicking someone, especially a loved one, when theyâre down, will definitely make you the jerk, not them.
Hereâs how to deal with the holidays in a more positive way:
1. Goals are always your friend â Set goals for the season that work for you and your family, and please include your family in the goals because if you schedule every night with an activity when your family only wants to stay home and watch Hallmark movies, it stresses everyone. If youâre someone who loves to host a holiday party, make sure your more reserved family members are on board or at least willing to go along with your plan. That doesnât mean you have to work everything around everyone else. It means you remember to include them and never assume that they want what you want because odds are that they have their own wants and needs and when you consider them, you reduce everyone's holiday stress. With clear goals that include everyone, youâll stay focused and feel accomplished, and you wonât exhaust your family in the process. More about that as we go along, and if youâre a D personality, listen to the rest of this podcast, not just the part about you, because you might just figure out why people are frustrated with you during the holiday season. I know youâre most likely to say that you donât care, but if you donât care about your familyâs feelings, Iâm guessing you wouldnât be someone listening to this podcast anyway.
2. Delegate without Dictating â As I said, D types love to lead but often try to handle everything themselves and when they get overwhelmed, over tired or hangry, that can become volatile. Ask yourself, what tasks can others do and maybe even enjoy, that you may not like doing? My favorite story about that was when a friend of mine posted online about how much she loved the holidays, but she detested wrapping gifts. A friend of hers responded and said that wrapping gifts was her favorite thing to do and volunteered to wrap all of my friendâs packages the next year. How cool is that? If thereâs something you donât like doing, ask the people you know if they know anyone who does like doing it, including holiday shopping, setting up the decorations, doing holiday baking and more. If you can afford to hire someone, great. If not, maybe you can trade skills and both enjoy the holidays more and stress less.
3. Create a âMeâ list â What are the things that bring you joy? Do you love working out? Going to a coffee shop by yourself or to meet a friend? Are you someone who just needs 30 minutes with no one talking to you? If itâs the last one, work that into your evening time after the kids go to bed, if you have them. Have a glass of wine in silence, if thatâs your thing. Have your spouse pick the kids up from daycare if you need a few extra minutes. Itâs so easy to leave the things that bring us joy out of the equation, but at this time of year, itâs more important than ever, or you are going to be one cranky Driven person, and thatâs not good for anyone.
4. Donât talk about politics. Leave it be for the one or two days youâre with family or friends, unless youâre all on the same page, and even then, we all need a break from the stress of everyday life, so why not focus on joy instead?
Moving onto the Inspired personality
I types are generally the life of the party or at minimum, theyâre delighted to be there! Social, outgoing, and spontaneous, I personalities bring upbeat energy to every holiday gathering. But with all the fun and excitement,itâs so easy to get scattered and forget everything else. Hereâs how to keep the season enjoyable for you and your family:
1. Balance your focus on People and Tasks â You love hanging with your favorite people and having a great time, but remember there is work to be done too. That doesnât mean the work canât be fun. In fact, youâre the very person to make the tasks fun, especially when you know that it can lead to more fun. Make a list of the things you need to do, or better yet, get the Happiest Holidays Planner that my friend Jeannine Rose and I created. You can get your copy on Amazon from the link in the show notes and description. Then you wonât have to think of everything you have to do because weâve done the thinking for you so you can focus on fun.
2. Make a schedule and get organized â Look, I know that you dream of being organized and having a schedule full of fun during the holidays, but we both know that the process of making that happen is not your strong suit. To avoid last-minute stress, get the planner and join our Happiest Holidays Facebook Group for even more tips on keeping it together during the holidays. The planner will help you keep it flexible so you can still enjoy that spontaneous joy without feeling rushed or overcommitted.
3. Keep a Holiday Journal â While you love to have fun, you sometimes get so caught up in the holidays that when they are over, you feel like you didnât get to do half of what you wanted. Using a journal to record the fun you had will help capture memories you create with family and friends and provide you with a way to reflect on what made each day special. Even better, you can make plans to have an even better holiday season. Guess what the Happiest Holidays Planner has in it? You guessed it, a gratitude journal and monthly pages to have a visual of your family activities.
4. Youâre generally not a fan of politics unless youâre someone who loves to watch drama unfold, but I assure you that watching that happen with friends and family never ends well, so I will remind you to walk away from those types of conversations because you are also passionate and could be the one to ruin the social outing, and for that, you would feel awful. Be the person who keeps it light, and people will thank you for it, silently if not out loud. Trust me.
Moving onto the Supportive personality
You are loyal, patient, and reliable and this can be the best and worst time of the year for you. S personality types crave stability and often feel overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of the season. You love your family and friends, but sometimes it feels like youâre drinking out of a fire hose, when you prefer a straw. Hereâs how to bring calm and joy to your holiday:
1. Simplify Traditions â Supportive people thrive on meaningful traditions, but they sometimes struggle to communicate that to friends and family who want to do all the things. I want you to remember something. People will still love you if you donât do all the things, but theyâll never know if you donât tell them. I cannot tell you how many groups Iâm in where people are absolutely wiped out and want nothing more than to rest but keep going because someone in their family is in bunny mode when they need sloth mode. Iâm currently listening to Try Everything by Shakira, and the analogy of those characters and how they move seemed perfect for this. Make sure that you schedule in some sloth time as a Supportive personality even if that means that you let your family go have some fun without you. That way, you can give them a better version of you because while you might think you hide your overwhelm and frustration well, I assure you that your family knows you are stressed and they are just waiting for you to blow. Focus on matters most to you and your family, and let go of the things that stress you out most. Also, if you have children like you, they need that down time as much as you do, so do it for them too. You might be surprised about how much you enjoy your slower paced holiday, and how much your family members enjoy you.
2. Practice Saying âNoâ â To avoid over-committing, practice saying no to things that donât align with your values. Saying no helps you conserve your energy for the things that matter most to you, and Iâm going to give you a permission that I rarely do. I am a huge proponent of truth and honesty, but if you canât directly say no to someone and youâre face to face, either tell them you have to talk with your spouse or you have to check your home calendar. If you are an S personality, I would be willing to bet you have a spouse who is willing to be the bad guy if you actually do want to say no. My husband and I are absolutely fine with being the ânoâ person for one another. Also, if you get the Happiest Holidays Planner, you will have a calendar at home and will be telling the truth about that. How much is that worth to you?
3. Guard Your Energy â This is often a foreign concept for the S Personality. They are so willing to do whatever they can for others, but thatâs how the cup runs dry and you end up feeling you have nothing left to give before the season is over. Rather than big parties, quiet gatherings are ideal for S types. You prefer one-on-one time with loved ones to connect without feeling like you have to be everywhere at once. So, do that. Invite friends over or meet them somewhere quiet for coffee, tea, wine or whatever you drink. I have a group of friends who are more reserved than me, and I love them dearly. We almost always meet at someoneâs home, and we each bring a goodie to share. Itâs so comfortable, the laughs come all night and none of us is overly wiped out even after being social.
4. Do I even need to talk to you about this political conversation thing? I know you wonât bring it up whether your people were elected or not. You are prone to being offended and getting passive aggressive when that happens, so itâs definitely in your best interest to walk away from any conversation that begins to offend you. At some other time, you might engage, but probably not, so letâs include the holidays too.
And finally, we have the Cautious personality type
Our C types are detail-oriented, organized, and thoughtful. You thrive on planning and precision, and even if you love the holidays, the chaos can throw off your routines and your mood, especially when things donât go as planned, and letâs be honest, do they ever? Hereâs the best way to navigate the holiday season for you:
1. Plan Ahead â Duh, right? You love your lists. You schedule your shopping, and you plan meals and events in advance. Having a clear plan helps you feel in control and reduces holiday stress, but remember, sometimes a bit of spontaneity can bring joy too. I know someone who stressed for so many years to create the perfect holiday season for everyone around her. Every year she ended up feeling like she failed when I looked at her in disbelief because I couldnât manage half of what she did, and sheâs older than me. So how did she change?
2. She learned to set boundaries â She had always been able to say no in other areas of her life, but when it came to the holidays that didnât happen, until one year. She had surgery and she literally couldnât do ½ of what she had in the past. It was frustrating and difficult for her, but she learned a very important lesson, and the next year, she focused on fun because she could do whatever she wanted to do. She did what made her happy, including saying no to me for our annual Christmas shopping experience because she got an opportunity to travel at that time. Guess what? I wasnât mad at her. I was delighted for her, and guess what else? Weâre back to going on our shopping trip this year, and weâre both going to have a ton of fun this season. But remember toâŚ
3. Breathe and Take Breaks â The Cautious personality wants everything so perfect, sometimes they forget to breathe and take breaks. They want their house to look like Martha Stewartâs, but she has a staff, you donât, and the stories about how difficult she was to please are legendary. I have no idea if thatâs the case after being in prison, which is why I say was instead of is. Donât be that person who is impossible to please. Instead, I suggest you follow my friend Jeannine Rose at Sweet Humble Home. As we talked about in our podcast together, Iâll share that link in the notes and description. Jeannine is great with the Martha Stewart vibe without the Martha Stewart price, and I would add, without that level of stress too.
4. When it comes to politics, whatever side youâre on, you know stuff, lots of stuff. You have data and studies memorized or know where to look them up at a momentâs notice. You can bury people in facts, and you donât back down until you make your point and/or win. Thatâs great when the time is right, and the holidays are not the right time. If youâre hanging with your friends in a public place and start debating, thatâs one thing, but if youâre in someoneâs home, including yours, you are probably best to let an erroneous fact or two slide. I know how difficult that is for you, but some days, peace is more important than proving youâre right because you already know you have the facts to prove your point. Capice?
Climax/Key Moment, Conclusion/Summary, Call to Action
We all have ways that can make the holiday season easier, but those can be very different from the other people in our lives. Understanding what each personality needs for success and peace is the key to helping everyone have a happier, more fun, calmer and more blessed holiday season.
Listen, I know the Ds love to stir the pot, but keep your pot stirring to a friendly teasing level. The I personalities can be a little flighty, so please get at least a little bit organized and then your spontaneity can be appreciated rather than tolerated. For the Supportive types, people wonât hate you if you donât do âall the thingsâ. They may be disappointed not to see you somewhere, but if they love you or even like you, theyâll probably appreciate you taking a moment to yourself. And finally, for the Cautious personality, I know youâve already got plans and lists, but grab a copy of the Happiest Holidays Planner, so that you remember to have fun and take care of yourself through the holiday season, so you can thank yourself later.
So, did you get any insights from this for yourself or someone you know? If you got your own insight, like and subscribe, and if you know someone else who could benefit from this, please share it, and remember to get your Happiest Holidays planner to make it all easier whatever your personality type..
Letâs all have the best holiday season we can possibly have. Until next time, keep moving toward better, whatever that means for you. Love you all!
